I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
