meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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