I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
