what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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