I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
