hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
