I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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