I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
