Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
