Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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