These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
