I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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