omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
