ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
