Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
