So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I did not marry a roomba.
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