PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
