Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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