She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
