Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
