Ambien. No doubt about it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
