I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
