I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
