I am in a vortex of obligation.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
