god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
