I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
