i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
