The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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