I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
