best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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