therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
