after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
