Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
