I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
