Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
