It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
