I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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