will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
