So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
