i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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