I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
