So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
