dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
being pregnant is like rehab
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
