His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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