gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
