if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
