Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
