I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
