last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
