I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
