so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize