all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
