i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
