She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
