um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
